Past week reflections and loss.
Reflecting on this past week, what a roller coaster. Work has been very demanding—16 hour days for the past several weeks. According to my phone, I’ve been averaging 4.4 hours of sleep. Some tough decisions were made, and I’d make them again. Those decisions may cost me my job, but the people that are under my care. Were safe. And that’s the main thing.
A lot of great things happened this week for S.C.O. From securing hunts to gathering donations and forging some new relationships in the industry. I mean, after all, isn’t that what it’s about. Finding like-minded individuals and pushing towards a common objective. The more I do this, the more I realize that like-minded folks aren’t around every turn.
Our mission has been mocked. It’s been scoffed at and asked if that’s even a real thing. But that will never stop us. And as I’m writing this, I feel optimism for this cause, for the mission and for the business. But I know what the next paragraph holds.
My day job allows me the opportunity to have the worst schedule in the world. It’s a great benefit. Ha. But as I try to snag one of those 4.4 hours, my phone starts going batshit crazy. I guess. I slept through a few, then one gets through. Answer, and you know when you hear that voice. That voice that just says someone is gone. That’s the voice that was on the other line. A voice I’ve listened to entirely way too many times. And usually, the only word I say is. “who?” Based on the people I had missed calls from, I knew it would hit close. I get the name. (I will not say the name in this writing) and holy freight train. And while there were people much closer to her than I was, this one hit super hard. She was a badass, commanded a room and wanted to help. She worked to help make us better. If you ever had a question, you could call her, and she would help you through any investigation. She was a sister, a mother and a damn fine Professional.
Losing someone like this is extremely tough. It doesn’t light a fire within me. It extinguishes it. It makes you think what the fuck are we even doing. Headed to the gym. Texted my coach and asked if we could change up the day. I just wanted to life shit and put it down. He was in. It was my breaking point. Looked at my coach and said, “what the fuck am I even doing!?” We went for a walk. And finding people who are on similar paths, the conversation becomes this dynamic of both of you trying to help each other. “If this hits with one person, it was worth it.” Was one of the takeaways from our conversation. And I’ve said that several times while on this journey.
But man, the news from my Law Enforcement family makes that tough to see.
The fact of the matter is, it’s okay for this to hurt. It’s okay for this to piss you off. It’s okay to ask “why” did this happen. Mourn. Be angry. But don’t let yourself stay there. Because even if “it’s just one.” That is one saved, that is worth it.
We’ve got a fuckin mountain to climb. Every single day. Some valleys are deeper than others. Some summits aren’t. But we gotta keep climbing. Why? Because you never know how your climb, your fight, your tenacity will create a positive change for someone climbing next to you.
As we remember our Sister, the old saying holds true. It is not how she died but how she lived. And I will never forget a courageous, compassionate professional.
-- Logan
President/Founder - Second Chance Outdoors